okay. how’bout we say i have to post 30 posts in november and i’m good. how’bout that? let’s bend the rules a bit, okay? isn’t this mainly to get back into blogging (at least for me) and not end up burnt out again after november 30th and stop posting altogether for the next month? all i know is that it’s already stressing me and making me feel like “i’m such a failure, i can’t even stick to posting something every day for a month…” and believe me, that’s the LAST thing i need these days.

i should have known. there is a reason i decided against participating in the last years… so, i probably won’t post every day = i will fail NaBloPoMo. period. but i will try hard to post a lot more than before and hopefully not disappoint you too much. i will try to deliver “quality” over quantity – how’s that? :)

the thing is: i started therapy again with a new therapist a couple months ago. i absolutely love my new therapist. so much more than my old one, whom i never really connected with the way i would have liked to. i spent half the time with her telling her what i thought she wanted to hear. she couldn’t “read” me like my new therapist already can. i didn’t respect her the way i already respect my new therapist… anywho. after going through my life on the surface and me just telling her what i’ve been up to for the last 32 years we are now getting into actual “issues” and i can already tell that it won’t be easy. it wasn’t “easy” the last time but since i never really opened up it was okay. it won’t be this time around. i can already tell. i’ve already cried more during my five or so sessions than i did before in six months.

i don’t know how much of those “issues” i will share here. probably not too much because a lot of times other people are involved but i’m sure i will share some and let yo be part of the “healing process”. because boy, that i can tell you right now: turns out, apparently i’m really sad deep down inside and there’s a bunch of healing to be done. so far, it feels good to have this hour every week to talk about me. i’m the center of attention and i don’t have to think about anyone else’s feelings. the problem is to turn those thoughts and feelings off again afterwards in order to “function” but i’m sure i will find a way to implement the therapy in my daily life and i will go with the flow. luckily she was able to finally give me a 5 pm appointment so i don’t have to go back to work after therapy like i had to a few times. and for the really, really rough times i plan on simply taking the next day off and focus on me. in this case, i’m gonna give “the finga” to work and do what’s best for me. that’s my resolution anyway i guess we’ll see how that goes…