you probably noticed that i changed the header and colors of the layout. i did it a couple of nights ago when [rant] once again there was baseball on and i needed something else to do because i just can’t watch baseball every effing evening. last night when i came home C was even watching “the little league” baseball = ten or eleven year old kids. seriously? so you see my dilemma. i got him NASN because i love him and now i’m actually turning into a “sports”-widow. no, not a football- OR baseball- OR basketball-widow, a sports-widow. because he watches it ALL. and not just major league but also college and [from what i found out last night] kids… okay, when he has to prepare in the evening or i really want to watch something else, he usually lets me but as soon as i leave the room [to pee or get a glass of water] he changes the channel to sports… [/rant]

see, i like watching the cubs play and i’m looking forward to the NFL season to start again because i like football better but he just watches every game of all the aforementioned sports he can for the sake of the game [i even caught him watch a nascar race before...]. i watch because i want “my team” [GO BEARS!] to win and cheer for it. if i can’t take a side, i don’t need to watch a game because it’s boring. but that’s just me… [PS: i still love him]

what i really wanted to get to though was that while going through my pictures to find something for the new header i came across this one and decided to use it. i love how it turned out for the header and was happy with the new color-scheme right away.

and i just realized today [from a comment, san made] that i took it exactly a year ago on one of the best weekends of 2006 when san came to bremen to visit me. last summer, i was having a rough time. it had been over seven months since i had last seen C, there were weddings all over the place i had to attend by myself, everyone else’s life seemed to be going somewhere and mine seemed to have stopped. so this weekend with san really was such a life-saver at the time. we were both going through some of the same things, uncertainty about the future, torn between the US and germany, between friends & family and the man we loved.

now here we are, a year later. san lives in california now with her husband and just went back to the job and city she loves. she’s been happier in the last couple of weeks than she has been in months. and certainly a lot happier than she was a year ago… and as you all know, C and i finally ended our over four years of long-distance-relationship almost exactly nine months ago and are living in bremen together [for now]. even though i am not where i would like to be [but who really ever is?] i, too, am so much better than i was a year ago.

do i miss san? do i wish we could just hook up and go ahead and repeat a weekend like the one a year ago? i certainly do! but at the same time i don’t really mind that we can’t because it means overall we’re both happier where we are at right now and that’s what counts. our friendship is still just as strong [maybe even stronger] and we don’t need to see each other this or that often to prove that *. and when C and i stroll over the viertelfest tomorrow i will certainly think of san and how we spent that great weekend together exactly a year ago. :) xoxoxo

* of course it helps to know that we WILL see each other in less than three months… ;)