i was born in bremen, germany in 1977 and have lived here my entire life. except for the 13 months in 97/98 where i lived as an au-pair with one of the most wonderful families on the face of the earth in st. paul, MN. i went there at a weird time in my life, 1.5 years after i had graduated high school and 1.5 years after my dad had passed away completely unexpected. only now, 14 years later, am i really dealing with what impact that had on me… the year in the US was to date the best year of my life – and one of the most important ones for me on my way to finding myself.
i grew up with a single mom and my two siblings. my older brother and my younger sister. in 2002 my (allegedly strong) mother committed suicide. she had been depressed my entire childhood, had tried to kill herself once before when i was only two years old. i didn’t know any of this until 2009 when i started therapy and talking to the (few) remaining family members more. a lot of it has rocked my world and seriously damaged some of the (what i thought was solid) foundation forever but overall it’s been a liberating, exciting and mainly life-saving journey. one i’m still on and will be for a while.
i started therapy because i was unhappy. all. the. time. i had all these wonderful people in my life, a job i loved, had just moved into a new apartment with the man i loved… there was no reason to be unhappy. but i was. on top of that i was at the highest weight ever and seemed unable to do anything about it. i have had to deal with weight issues my entire life but had been pretty much “on top of things” since the end of high school. all of a sudden things spiraled out of control. i had to do something. so i started therapy.
now, here i am. mid 2011. almost two years after i started therapy. during a six week stay at a clinic in the summer of 2010 i finally got a diagnosis: depression. hand-in-hand with an eating disorder. i’m on anti-depressants now and have been feeling more than myself and happier than i have in a looooong time. i’m falling in love with my life again, i started sewing and found a huge passion in it, i do a lot more things that make me feel good simply for that reason: to make me feel good. i say “no” more and i say “i love you” more. i know i’m still right in the middle of a rocky road but it feels doable. and worth it. there is just nothing more important in life than being happy. and that is really all i want.
wanna know even more … ?
about the more “technical” stuff
i started blogging @ diaryland in 2002. i started to import some of my earliest posts but am still working on that – hopefully one day it’ll all be in one place. i’ve had my own domain since 2005 – it used to be kimba-bremen.com – and notcrazyunwell.com since 2007. my (super helpful and great) host is cysys aka my brother-in-law :) and i’m using wordpress which i’ve been in love with from day one.
i take my photos with my canon 400 D / rebel xti + my EF-S18-55 lens or EF 50mm f/1.8 II lens. i mainly taught myself about photography and do a lot more by feeling than actual (technical) knowledge. i also recently bought a samsung galaxy s which i’m getting to know better and am taking most of my snapshot/daily pictures with.
password protected posts
during the last few years – especially while dealing with the depression – i’ve been struggling about what i can / want to share on my blog and what to keep from the “public”. now, some of my entries are protected. thatís either because i donít feel like sharing with the whole world [and i can, because this is MY site] or because itís something that concerns / is about other people who i know arenít comfortable with the “inter-nerds” knowing certain details about them. hereís what you can do if you donít have the PW:
1. it wonít kill you do not read the protected entries and you will just come back for the next one thatís open [like most of my entries are anyway]
2. you canít stand not knowing whatís going on and you NEED TO KNOW = get in touch and ask me for the password. chances are, i will give it to you if i know you and / or youíre a nice person. :)
now, happy reading. xoxoxo