i’ve been living with C for about ten days now. it’s going really well. he’s still adjusting [obviously] and the crappy weather and grey, cloudy sky certainly don’t help. but i think he’s slowly starting to feel a bit more comfortable and i’m sure it’ll get better over time. the apartment could be bigger [54m² for two people isn't that much] but we manage and it’s actually working out better than i thought it would. especially with my need for a certain amount of organization and order in the house. turns out, i am only a little annoyed by his stuff laying around and i’m not constantly antsy and bitchy like expected. in fact, i LOVE coming into the bathroom in the morning and seeing his razor, shaving creme, aftershave and his toothbrush next to mine :) and his socks on the floor and stubbles in the sink just come with the package. and since i really, really love the package, i can totally live with it.

what i don’t like and never realized before is how little time you actually spend with the person you live with. with work and errands to run and friends to see and groceries and cleaning and all the rest of it there’s just not much time left you actually spend together. i mean time talking or cuddling or going for a walk… quality time. i’m used to spending 24/7 with him and not giving him a kiss before i go to work and on a good day have four hours together before i have to go back to bed. okay, those 24/7 would only happen about once a year for three weeks or so and i certainly don’t wanna go back to that EVER but this is different than i thought it’d be. i guess it’s just been a really busy time since we got back. everyone seems to want to see us, which is very nice but also kinda exhausting. i guess i’m just ready for a relaxing weekend since once again the migraine ruined my last one…

talking of migraine: i may have found out what was causing the migraines. my sister pointed out to me a couple of months ago that a good friend of hers, whom i also know, had the same problem. all of a sudden she started to get those bad migraines usually once a month and hers came from her birth control pill. always during the pill-break and she used the same one i am. so i watched it for a couple of months and i’m pretty sure that both of the last two bad ones were during the pill-break. the one last weekend certainly was. so, i just didn’t start taking the pill again after the break. and i don’t plan on switching to a different pill either. i am so excited because if this is really where the migraines came from i could be doing so much better very soon! so, i’ll let you know what’s happening on this matter.

i’m off to the city now to hopefully find some boots. later on C and i will meet a few of his friends from oldenburg on the weihnachtsmarkt and try to not get home too late. last night we got my brother’s car to get our christmas tree [it's SO pretty and perfect and smells great and i can't wait to show you pictures] and when we took the car back they invited us to a glass of wine. it ended up being three bottles between the four of us and by the time we left to walk home it was after midnight so i’m pretty tired today… tomorrow i will SO sleep in and then we’re gonna set up the tree. i hope you all have a great weekend as well and a lot less wet than ours… xoxoxo

friday night was really nice. i met C at the weihnachtsmarkt after work and we went to get some information on cellphones first. he decided on a pre-paid deal with a motorola razr which we ordered on sunday because they had a special deal online. i didn’t renew my contract yet because i’m still waiting for this baby to come out so i can get it cheap with my new contract. afterwards we had a feuerzangenbowle and went to dinner at the spaghetti house for really great pasta. we strolled around the weihnachtsmarkt for a bit after dinner and had a gluehwein before we walked home. we were just gonna walk until we’d catch a tram but we were both so stuffed and it was so nice out that we ended up walking all the way. it was nice and the perfect thing to do after the big dinner… oh, for all of you who don’t know the weihnachtsmarkt, here’s a picture showing about one third of it. it’s the part in front of the city hall. it’s really pretty and everything smells good and totally feels like christmas :)

while we were at the phone-place i got a call from the soccer-ticket guy that we could have the tickets for an okay price so we set a time to meet at a bar close to the stadium on saturday. we got up just in time to get ready for the game and got to the bar at 2 pm [jep, we definetely slept in!] to meet with the guy and have a pre-game beer [alt. gluehwein] with my brother and some friends. the game was good, we won 3:1 and got back the #1 position of the league. yay! we had a really good time and decided to go back to that bar we started out at after the game. had another beer there, my sister and her boyfriend stopped by and we hung out for a while. which is when it started. the headache that is. again. by the time we went home, got groceries and finally sat on the couch it was 8:30 pm and my headache already pretty bad. so we cancelled on our friends and just relaxed on the couch.

well, to make a long and boring story short: i had a horrible headache/migraine all day sunday AND monday. why? i don’t know. i really didn’t drink much [other than C, btw :)] and can’t think of anything else that could have triggered it other than stress. i can’t do much about that right now so… what’s weird is that despite all the stress in indiana i didn’t have the slightest headache the whole time there. back in bremen and i have no idea what’s going on. i really thought i got over it. at least pretty much. i know i was doing pretty good most of the summer. *sigh* the only thing better than usually was the fact that C was there for me to lay on, to stroke my hair, rub my back and relax me. so that’s a definite improvement…

today would have been my dad’s 66th birthday and we’re going out for dinner with the family. my sister initiated it and i have a feeling there’s some kind of news coming. i actually have a pretty good idea of what it is and i can only tell you that it doesn’t exactly lower the stress-level for me. or my brother. but we’ll see. all i know is that i am counting the days until the 22nd because that’s the last day of work for me this year and i will have TWO WHOLE WEEKS off after that. i cannot wait!

i decided i’m gonna start drinking again. i mean, not that i really stopped but i’m a lot more cautious about what i drink nowadays because some stuff will just go right into my head and give me horrible two-day-migraines once the original hangover is better. twice this months i’ve had bad two-day-headaches without doing anything though. two weeks ago thursday AND wednesday and now yesterday and today all day. without doing anything. i helped betti & marc move most of the day saturday [okay, i had one beer but seriously...] and then relaxed yesterday until we met for a BBQ at betti & marc’s house where i only stayed for about two hours… the night was crappy, i woke up almost every hour and took tons of ibuprofen. i somehow survived the work-day and am glad to be home now. but i’m asking you, WTF? i may as well go back to drinking red wine, at least i will know where i get the headaches from then…

other than that, i’ve been looking for flights over the last few days. nothing’s 100% for sure yet but i think we’re both really leaning towards me going. i found a roundtrip bremen-chicago for 351 euro today so i’m hoping to get C to make a decision soon so i can BOOK. his one-way back with me on the same flight would only be 244 euro so i think it all sounds really good. my boss gave me the OK today so all we need is the man to make a decision now. but we all know how that goes sometimes so i’m not gonna get too excited just yet. still, you can all cross your fingers for november 9th through november 25th and C on the plane back to germany with me! :D

i’m gonna eat the fried potatoes i just made [totally okayed by mr. weight and mrs. watchers btw] and vegetate on the couch waiting for C’s call now. will let you all know as soon as i know more. can’t wait to update that stupid counter in the sidebar. :)

i’m having a tough week. a really tough week. i mentioned in the g-post that i had a headache again last weekend. actually that would be the understatement of the week. i had taken thursday off already to finish some wedding-related-stuff and relax. also, get highlights and my eyelashes and -brows died – which i did. the weather was beautiful, i had off and not that much to do – everything was swell. until i started getting a headache in the evening which emerged into a big, fat migraine that i had fun with all night. the night before the wedding… i didn’t know how to place my head, i couldn’t really sleep and just felt crappey. i got up with that headache and got the place and me ready for sherry, taja & tom to get there. by the time they did my head was better due to twice the amount of target migraine relief you’re supposed to take within a 24hour period and three ibuprofen.

i still just didn’t feel 100% all day. which sucks when it’s a day you’ve been looking forward to for 6+ months, your best friend’s wedding with you being the maid-of-honor and everyone expecting for you to be entertaining, fun and happy. jeah, not so much me last friday. i don’t know if it was due to the bad night, the medication and stress before or what but i had the hardest time keeping it together all f*cking day. the migraine was back by midnight. still kept it together and stayed with everyone until three a.m. — same game the next day. it wasn’t as bad as the night before any more but still there. all day. and all day on sunday. i knew it was gonna be tough and all but i didn’t expect it to be that hard. i am emotional about weddings anyway [me old romantic fool. seriously, i cried big, huge, real tears all the way through kristine & shaun's wedding pics. um, would someone call the people with the while jackets...] but for some reason this one’s especially teary. maybe it’s because i love pia & mike SO MUCH and i am SO indescribeably happy for them…? i just don’t know.

fact is: seeing them look at each other so happy and loving makes me tear up, seeing them with their happy and proud parents and knowing that i won’t ever have that on my wedding day makes me tear up, seeing all the other happy couples together while i haven’t seen C in almost seven months makes me tear up… bottom line is: i’m a big, teary mess these days. i spend most of the day trying really, really hard to not think about any of it and distract myself. by the time i get home i’m so exhausted from keeping it together all day, i pretty much cry while cooking dinner or cleaning the cat’s litter box. which i have to stop immediately when someone calls of course. it’s exhausting, people. on monday i seriously thought i could not handle ONE MORE DAY without seeing C. i thought i would go crazy and die if i didn’t see him THAT INSTANT. i kinda still feel that way and would have already booked a flight if it wasn’t so damn expensive and i wasn’t so damn broke. is it the weddings, the stress, the overstepped six-months-mark of being apart, my mom’s b-day coming up in a week? i have no idea. i’m just hoping for it to be better soon and i’m gonna do what i can do make that happen.

first, i had a loooong, awesome [painful] and much needed massage last night. then, i’m taking friday & monday off and i’m gonna ride down to duesseldorf with pia’s parents tomorrow and stay with my girl san for one night. she’s been there [the LDR that is], actually is still right in the middle of it, so she knows and i will probably be crying and weeping in front of her like there’s no tomorrow — sorry about that in advance, hun ;). we will meet with everyone in m’gladbach friday night and then i’m gonna stay at some friend’s parents’ house that night [and saturday night]. saturday morning i’m gonna be all strong, happy, excited, pretty and ready for pia & mike’s big day. i’m gonna help her get ready in the morning, make conversation, party and have a good time. seriously, i want to and i’m gonna. teary-eyed or not. C here or not…

you’re gonna hear all about it [+ pics] asap, promise. we’ll go back home sunday, i’m gonna sleep in on monday and recuperate and relax all day. so that’s pretty much the plan and i am sure everything’s gonna be just fine. luckily i have a therapy-session tonight. there’s nothing like crying it all out for an hour in front of a stranger ;)

yeah, the long weekend. it was o…kay i guess. definetely better than last year — that’s for sure. unfortunately involving too much headache resulting in the taking of too many pain-killers but sadly i’m almost used to that and it’s SO GOOD when the pain finally goes away…

friday night i went out to dinner with michi [she showed me an "after"-picture of the car -- man, let's just say she had all the guardian angels with her that were free thursday morning...] and had an actually pretty good ceasar’s salad with grilled chicken. afterwards we went to see brokeback mountain. i have to say i was a little disappointed because after of all the “so great” and “amazing” i had heard about the movie before and all the oscar nominations i honestly would have expected something more spectacular. don’t get me wrong here, i really liked the movie and i was touched and i thought it was amazing how much love and heartache and hurt came across the screen from the two main characters but it just didn’t blow me away or anything. i didn’t even cry… i love the fact that it got as much attention in the US as it did but the fact that it was just another good movie and not more for me may have to do with how much more open i grew up here in germany with homosexuality and all… i don’t know. i still liked it a lot and like i said, i think it’s great that it got so much attention in the US.

saturday i went to the city because i had gotten the router for my DSL but was still missing the splitter to hook it up. so i picked it up in a T-punkt myself and will take the one i’m supposed to get in the mail today back. still, i ended up with no DSL on the weekend because something seems to be wrong with my login-information for the flat-rate and their customer service wasn’t working all of the easter weekend [which in germany includes monday] … so i had to dial-up again all weekend but at least the telekom already told me they would put a 5 euro plus in my account for the inconvenience. which i thought was nice especially since it turned out to not be their problem anyway :)*

we met at nina’s and went out afterwards saturday night and then met for brunch at my brother’s place on sunday. i went home to clean afterwards, which i did for almost two hours [can you say about time?]. after that my headache [that i had had all day] was so bad again that all i did was vegetate on the couch where i fell asleep around 10 pm until i went to bed around 2 am. luckily and with the help of some more drugs i was a lot better by 11 am yesterday so i could meet up with maren for breakfast. she showed me pictures of her recent trip to chicago *sigh* and i felt like hopping on a plane right away. i absolutely love that city. it was great to see her again and catch up. :)* later on yesterday afternoon nina & betti came over and we chatted for a while. oh, and i finished my new springy-tulip-layout last night — pretty, isn’t it? i actually used some of the pictures i took of my tulips last week :)*

now it’s tuesday = i’m at work. when i’d much rather be in bed. but then again not really ’cause that would be boring. nothing new C-wise [jeah, like i wouldn't have told you that within the first two sentences if there was anyway...] but hanging in there of course. cause life? it ROCKS!** but y’all don’t worry, i think i’m ready for another go on getting help mud-head-wise and my therapy is officially starting next week. so all is good. as always :)*

*can four :) in one post mean anything but me = 100% yehaaw-happyness?

** PS: i’m lying.